B.O.E. - Chapter 3: Raven

 Raven opened the door to her apartment building and took the stairs two at a time. She felt good as she went grocery shopping after checking on her sister. Anise was so happy living the college life that she practically radiated good vibes and Raven felt them. Their talk had been short but fun and Raven was glad her sister was safe. Now all she had to worry about was getting old too fast. Was that why she had that new white streak in her hair? At least Anise thought it was a hairstyle she was trying out.

Truth was, Raven had woken up with the white streak. It wasn’t there yesterday or the months before that and there was no way she could have missed it… right?

As she moved to her apartment, she shifted the bag of groceries to reach for her keys. She unlocked her door and pushed it open. She stepped inside and pushed the door with her foot to close it, unsuccessfully. Deciding to go for it later, Raven continued into her apartment to place the groceries on the kitchen counter but she froze. Something tickled her nose and she took a deep breath to smell baby powder.

With a gasp, Raven dropped the groceries to get into a stance at the exact time a blonde dropped in front of her. She heard more drop from the rafters as she raced toward the first blonde. He got ready but Raven pivoted to the side and jumped onto a chair. With a grunt, she pushed off and rolled over the counter into the kitchen. She grabbed a sharp knife and turned to see eight blondes staring at her with wicked smiles.

The one closest made to grab her but Raven kicked him away and stabbed the middle of his chest with the knife, leaving it there. The blonde man grunted and wheezed, sinking to the floor and grabbing his chest. Raven turned to see the others start to move forward and rolled back over the counter to give herself space.

Raven ducked under the next one’s punch and pivoted around to kick at his back while blocking another hit to her face. She reached under and sent a quick jab behind the blonde’s arm and he grunted as she kicked at his face next. He stumbled away, his arm limp. Raven gasped as another blonde kicked at her back, sending her stumbling forward to another blonde who punched her. Raven grunted but turned with the punch to back punch the blonde. Her knuckle hurt but she ignored it to jab at the distracted blonde. She had him immobile as she cartwheeled over him to avoid another punch. She turned and kicked at the next closest blonde but he ducked and sent a strong sidekick into her chest.

With a shout, Raven flew back and hit the floor of her apartment hard, the air knocked from her lungs. Groaning, Raven whirled her legs over her to turn. She pushed herself up as another blonde stood in front of her and managed to kneel before him as he kicked. Raven blocked his kick and punched twice at his middle before jabbing at his thighs. The blonde grunted and his knees began to give way when Raven leaned on her hands and kicked up at him, making him jump back and tumble to the floor. His legs were numb.

Rolling, Raven stood up and faced the others, her coffee table between them. They were so strong. She noticed none of them were panting but she was. Hell, she knew bruises were already forming on her body and her hands were shaking but she couldn’t focus on that.

“You’re coming with us,” a blonde growled.

Thinking quickly, Raven remembered what her father had said to her: “Do not give up without a fight but living to fight another day is just as important.”

And Heaven knew she’d put up a fight.

“Pass!” Raven used her left foot to kick up the table and sent it into the first blonde’s chest before whirling around and running full speed to a window. Holding her breath so she wouldn’t lose her nerve, Raven crashed through the window and flew out. With a tiny squeal, Raven grabbed onto a tree branch and used it to stop swinging. With a glance at the not so far ground, Raven let go and landed with a grunt. Looking up to her apartment, she saw three blondes stick their heads out of the window she’d crashed.

Before they decided to come after her, Raven forced her stiffening-from-shock body to run.

She pelted across the street and ducked into an alley. She jumped onto a Dumpster and used a building’s escape ladder to climb up to the roof. She practically threw herself over the edge to the roof; so tired. She army-crawled to the edge of the building and glanced back at her apartment. The blondes were arguing and gesturing at the window she’d gone through. One of them sat on her couch and flipped on her tiny TV. The others began to look through her things.

Cursing, Raven wished she’d packed a kit for this kind of thing. She should have been ready. Now she put herself and Anise at risk. Smacking her already hurt forehead, Raven did a self-inventory.

Nothing was missing and nothing was broken. But her chest hurt where one of them had kicked her and her cheek burned from one of their punches. She was covered in sweat from the effort she had to put into her attacks. She reached up to rub the back of her hand on her lip and saw blood. Alright so her lip was bleeding too. She looked at her knuckles. Three were cut and bleeding and her second knuckles were swollen. It was like punching at brick again.

Raven sighed and analyzed her situation next. She was unarmed and the blondes were physically strong. She was hurt and they were in her apartment, gathering more information on her. If she didn’t act soon, she’d be putting Anise in danger. If she did act in her current condition, she’d be killed or disabled completely. Cursing like a sailor, Raven looked at her apartment again as the sun began to set.

The blondes were trashing the place, searching every nook and cranny. They were tossing her clothes everywhere. They hadn’t yet found the only frame with a picture of herself with Anise.

Anise… shit! Raven felt her heart race. If they found that picture and targeted her sister to get to her…

From the corner of her eye, Raven saw a giant black shape strolling up the block. She stared when she realized it was Mr. Muscle from the other night. He was still walking with his limp but still looked as strong as ever. She watched as he walked into her apartment building, wondering what he’d do when he saw all the blondes.

She knew the exact moment when Mr. Muscle appeared at her apartment because all the blondes moved forward at once. A few seemed to fly back as if Mr. Muscle had thrown them. Then Mr. Muscle came tearing out of the building, followed by four blondes while the rest seemed to return to the apartment.

Her apartment was still not safe so Raven forced herself to move. She army crawled back to the staircase and slid down it, landing on the Dumpster with a grunt. She tested her body by jumping off the Dumpster with a flip. She could run and she did.

She raced down the street in the same direction as Mr. Muscle had. He was fast on his feet, she realized when she saw his leather coat turn a corner two blocks up and the blondes all race after it. She followed, cutting through alleys and jumping fences with minor difficulty. She had to keep off the blonde’s radar or she’d be in for the fight of her life again.

Raven jumped over a fence and realized that she was now in the direction Mr. Muscle was running. She jumped back over the fence and heard the sounds of fighting a second after she landed. She didn’t dare move a muscle as she overheard the grunts and screams of guys in pain. She heard an eerie silence followed by four popping sounds and flashes of light.

Raven fought the urge to look over the fence as she listened with everything she had. Where did the flashes of light come from? She heard tired, ragged breathing start to move away with the sound of heavy feet.

Mr. Muscle won.

Raven jumped off the wall to hold onto the fence and peeked over it. There were pools of black liquid on the ground but no bodies. Raven rolled over the fence and jumped around the pools to look around the corner of the alley. Mr. Muscle hopped into a giant SUV and drove off, looking angry.

Raven waited a bit before moving to a mini four-door Sedan Cooper and used a key around her neck to open the door. Then she reached under the wheel and hot-wired the car. She followed Mr. Muscle at a fair distance, letting him take the turns before she did.

He turned off the road and drove up a long driveway to an amazing mansion looking place. Raven continued driving and realized that if she hadn’t followed Mr. Muscle, she would never have found the place. She put the car back and left it as it was when she’d gotten into it. Then she began to plan her next moves.

The next morning, she went to her PO box and took out her police issue gun holster and placed a gun into it. Then she took out an extra wallet that only contained $500 in cash and went to an armed goods store. She bought a hip holster for two knives and extra gun ammo. She hid her whole arsenal under a dark green windbreaker. She also bought gloves after going to a pharmacy to buy first aid essentials and a sidesaddle bag for the kit.

After reassuring the cashier that she didn’t require medical help and that she was fine, she left the store wondering just how bad she looked. Then Raven started the long walk to Mr. Muscle’s mansion, while also cleaning herself up.

The blondes had shown up in her apartment. It wasn’t safe anymore. They already knew too much. Then Mr. Muscle showed up. If those two were focusing on her now, they were going to have another thing coming. They’d violated her space, made her run, jeopardized Anise’s safety.

If they make a move on her, I’m going to kill everyone until we’re left alone. Starting with you, Muscles!

Brotherhood of Eternity - Chapter 2: Isaac

 Who was she?

Isaac growled as he searched the perimeter of the park but the female was long gone. He then bent over to the disciple that had dragged her and went through his pockets before finishing the job. He managed to pick up eight wallets before stuffing them into his coat pocket. He still couldn’t get the female out of his mind. The way she moved was graceful and powerful. His arm tingled as he moved it. She had made his best arm useless with a single hit. How did she do it? With a snarl, he pulled out his phone and called the others.

“What’s up, bro?” Wyatt answered.

“Found an injured civilian in the park and was attacked by disciples. They’re dead but there was something else.”

“What is it?” Wyatt asked.

“I’ll tell you and the others about it later. I’m headed home.”

“Want a ride?”

“No, I’ve got my own,” Isaac hung up and moved to his car.

That human female with the dark flowing hair had cut herself on a disciple’s cursed dagger. She was in so much trouble. He had to find her or else he and his brothers could have one more disciple to look out for. Unless tonight was her try-out… but then it wouldn’t make sense. Why would they drag her away from him by her fucking throat if she was trying out?

One thing was for sure, she was a fighter. Her moves were one of a kind. There was something about her. She was different. Very different.

Especially now with disciple blood in her veins, Isaac thought ruefully. He should have stopped her.

Slamming his car door shut, Isaac pushed the gas to the Pit.

Upon entering, he waved Luther away before the servant could begin to coddle. He walked past the library, where he heard two female tones speaking. Eliza and Mary were talking about books.

He phoned the others before walking into Damian’s study. The Blind King sat behind a desk, which he was leaning on, rubbing his temples.

“Rough night?” Isaac asked with a smile.

“I can’t read any of the papers these aristocrats want me to sign and Eliza has to read all the books in the library just to understand some of them,” Damian growled. “How was your night on patrol?”

“I’m waiting on the others to begin my report,” Isaac said. “It was… an interesting night.”

“How interesting?”

Before Isaac could answer the door opened again and three others walked in: Liam, Wyatt and Rubin.

“Where’s Z?” Isaac asked.

“Ah, you know him,” Wyatt said. “Always has to be fashionably late.”

“Why did you call us together anyway?” Rubin asked.

“Isaac wants to tell us about his night of patrol in Sector 7,” Damian said.

“And while we wait for Z, I can tell you that in Sector 4 there are a lot of sweet females. I mean, really sweet.” Wyatt said.

“What would Mary say if she heard you now?” Rubin wondered, crossing his arms. Wyatt seemed to pale as he raised his hands. “Should I let her know?”

Wyatt began to shake his head violently and wave his arms. “If you do that, I won’t hear the end of it for months. And then I’ll have to spend more time with you.”

The door opened just as everyone burst into laughter and there stood what everyone would consider the most dangerous of the Brotherhood… well, a few months ago.

Zeke walked in and looked around the room as the other brothers quieted down. Then Isaac decided to break the silence.

“How’s Bonnie?”

Zeke turned his cold eyes on his brother and they seemed to warm a little deep, deep down. “She’s well. And Leela is growing swiftly.”

The Brothers congratulated him but Z just looked at the floor, not making eye contact or showing any sign of acknowledgement.

“Alright, so I called you all here to report,” Isaac said. “I found an injured civilian in the park of Sector 7. Just as I helped him, four disciples showed up and surrounded me. The civilian ran and none of the disciples moved to him.”

“Why would they go for beef jerky when filet mignon just showed up,” Wyatt said with a scoff.

“Then what happened?” Damian asked.

“I fought them and killed them all temporarily to take their wallets. But I didn’t realize that a human female had been watching. When I found her, I approached her to remove her memory. She wouldn’t let me,” Isaac said remembering how the female kept stepping backwards. “So I grabbed her head to make eye contact… she punched me in three places and I couldn’t breathe. Then she punched somewhere behind my arm and she numbed it! My arm was useless for a few minutes.”

“You let a human female hit you? More than once?” Wyatt teased. “You losing your touch?”

“She was a fighter. She knew just where to hit to get a reaction,” Isaac defended. “It’s like she takes you down from the inside.”

Wyatt and the others stared at him.

“Was she part of the disciples?” Rubin asked.

“I thought that too until one of them tossed a rope around her head and dragged her away from me by the throat,” Isaac said and even his brother seemed shocked by that fact. “Then more showed up and I fought with them. I turn back to her and she has the disciple on the ground, unmoving, while she’s trying to figure out the rope. She used the disciple’s blade to cut the ropes—”

“She cut herself,” Liam suddenly cut in and Isaac turned to him, surprised.

“Did she cut herself?” Damian asked and Isaac nodded. The Brothers cursed.

“Where is she now?” Rubin asked.

“I don’t know. She sent the disciple on me and ran away,” Isaac said. “She’s quick.”

“And smart,” Liam added, stroking his goatee in thought.

“How deep was the cut?” Damian asked.

“Not deep. A tiny one inch cut but it bled,” Isaac answered.

“We have to find her,” Damian said. “She doesn’t know what kind of monster she’s turning into. If we get to her in time, we could stop the transformation. If not…”

Isaac glanced away, knowing the next part of that sentence.

“Isaac, you know if it’s too late to help her, we have to kill her,” Damian said, trying to be gentle.

Isaac nodded as his mind replayed the images of that night. “She won’t go easy… I vow to do it myself.”

Damian nodded. “You also know the risk of bringing her here. She can’t know what we are. The disciples will be looking for her too. She could lead them right to us.”

Isaac didn’t make eye contact. He couldn’t fathom the thought of taking an innocent female’s life… especially a human one.

“Alright, so we have a human female turning disciple on the loose,” Rubin said suddenly. “What were in those wallets?”

“I haven’t looked through them yet,” Isaac pulled out the wallets and passed a few around.

Together, the Brothers and Damian looked through the wallets.

“I have an address,” Wyatt announced.

“I have one too,” Rue said.

“I have nothing on the disciples,” Zeke said. “But I found a few bucks and a fake I.D. with a female picture.”

Isaac quickly moved to him and took the I.D. card. He stared at the picture and then turned to Damian, “This is her.”

Damian didn’t move closer to look at the I.D. but the others did.

“She’s cute,” Wyatt said.

“She is indeed a looker,” Rue said.

“Don’t get too cozy,” Damian’s voice said suddenly. “She’s turning into a disciple.”

“They are getting a great asset,” Wyatt said with a grin.

“It won’t come to that!” Isaac said with a growl. “We have to find her soon,” he snatched the I.D. back and thrust it at Liam. “Run a trace.”

He left the room quickly and went to his own room, leaving his Brothers behind.

Brotherhood of Eternity - Chapter 1: Raven

 (Different book from years past- near same lore. Quarantine has been good)

This is nuts! I'm nuts!

Raven tried to force her nerves back onto the calm serenity she felt during her class. She couldn’t believe that tonight of all nights, she had to close the studio. Everyone knew the wackos came out on Friday the 13th. She wanted to avoid such contact at all costs.

Wanting to head home as soon as possible, Raven entered the park that was halfway down the block to cut across it. Passed some trees, she heard what sounded like a scuffle. Without thinking, Raven ran forward and froze at the sight before her.

A dark haired… huge man stood surrounded by four men with blonde hair. They weren’t scrawny either but the dark haired one was just bigger. Perhaps it was all that leather. He just stood there calm as a feather, waiting, while the blondes all pulled out a dagger.

Raven felt the strong urge to race forward to help Mr. Muscle but then the fight started.

One of the blondes attacked from behind and Mr. Muscle just turned, grabbed him and broke his neck.

Raven took a deep breath, ready to gasp it in, but her logic raised her right hand to her mouth and had her pivoting around a tree to lean against it, hiding as the fight continued. There she panted into her hand, trying to get a grip.

It’s self defense. Just self defense. The guy was outnumbered. He had to lessen their numbers or else he’d be dead too. Self defense with amazing speed, that’s what it is, she thought. And you, idiot, have just stumbled into a gang fight. You need to get away undetected. NOW!

Then she jerked as one of the blondes flew passed her tree and landed with a thud. His face turned to her and they locked eyes before she watched the light dim from his eyes. He had a knife in his chest.

Struggling to keep her control, Raven closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She couldn’t panic. Not now. Running was a good option— except her tree was the only one for a few yards excluding the surrounding ones. She’d be exposed if she tried to run to the exit.

Suddenly she realized that the small clearing had gone silent. The eerie feeling of death filled the area and Raven shivered as she heard heavy footfalls getting steadily louder. He won… and he was coming.

Raven lowered her hand and glanced down at the body beside her. Perhaps Mr. Muscle was just making sure that the blonde was really dead. Or he was moving to the exit. Whatever the reason, she didn’t want him to find her. She was a witness, a liability. If he was truly a dangerous man and he found her, she could be as good as dead. This guy was massive. She’d have to use most of her strength just to bypass the muscles to get to the tissue beneath. Then there was blocking and she could imagine the bruises.

In the moonlight, she saw a shadow loom over the blonde’s body, getting steadily bigger. Trying to be as silent as possible, Raven inched away from the body, keeping the tree on her back. Then she heard it and felt her heart stop; her shoe scraped against the tree trunk.

Frozen, Raven waited; her heart racing.

As if with a sixth sense, Raven ducked forward as a dagger flew over her and turned in a protective stance, one hand in front of her face with her fingers fanned out. She nearly screamed when she saw Mr. Muscle staring at her, a hand holding the dagger that pierced the tree where her head had been. Instead, she transformed her girly scream into a word,

“WHOA!”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, wrenching the dagger back out. “Please forgive me. I didn’t know you were there.”

“Yeah, the knife thinks so too,” Raven snapped and immediately felt stupid. She shouldn’t be snapping at the man. She should be trying to convince him to let her go and be on his merry way.

“I’d never attack a female,”

“Look, I don’t know what the situation was but I swear I didn’t see a thing.”

“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be so afraid of me,” the man said.

“Well you are about three times bigger than me and tried to stab my head. I have a right to be… uh, cautious,” Raven said and heard the man chuckle softly. “Please let me go. I can’t even see your face right now because it’s in shadow. So you don’t have to worry about me picking you out of a line up. Speaking of which, did I mention that I’m not going to the cops either?”

“You have not mentioned that,”

“Oh, well it’s true,” Raven said, taking a step back. He followed. Shit! 

“Why are you covering your face?” the man asked.

“It’s a ‘you can’t see me, I can’t see you’ type of deal,” Raven said. “No faces for everyone.”

“You have very nice hair,” the man said and Raven didn’t know how to respond.

“Look, I don’t want to fight you. I just want to go home. It’s been enough of a long day already,” Raven said. “My kids are waiting for me.”

“You don’t have kids,” the man said.

Raven froze. “What are you talking about? I have two girls. One’s six and the other three.”

“You’re lying,” the man neared her, tracking her movements.

Raven knew her lie was a little far-fetched but normally people never called her on it so soon. “How would you know?”

“Your pulse rate quickened as you said it,” the man said simply and Raven wondered if the pounding in her ears was loud enough for him to hear. 

Raven took a few more steps back, watching as he neared. “So what now? You try to kill me too?”

“I’m not going to kill you,” he said, his hands up, free of any weapon. “I’m just going to make you forget everything you saw tonight.”

“Wha—?” Raven couldn’t even finish her question. His hands shot out, grabbed her head and neared her to him with such speed that it took her a second to act. Raven jabbed forward with her fists; middle finger knuckle pointed out, and struck him with a series of quick blows. He grunted and his hands loosened on her head. Raven took a step to the side and pivoted out of his arms. Then she struck out slightly below his right shoulder. He grunted again and turned to her as she stepped back, his right arm flopping about.

“What did you do to me?” he growled, holding his limp right arm with his left.

“It’ll wear off,” Raven assured him, her stance still up.

“Where did you learn that?” he demanded.

“I took some classes,” Raven responded.

“No class teaches—”

Raven gasped as something suddenly wrapped around her neck and tugged. Choking, Raven fell and landed hard on her back. She felt the grassy ground scratch at her exposed waist as she was pulled away. She could barely breathe through the rope around her throat and her mind buzzed as she tried to figure out what was going on.

She watched Mr. Muscle run toward her, each footfall a blur, when he stopped to fight with more blondes that suddenly appeared. Raven guessed she’d have to do with being on her own… 

Raven took as deep a breath as she could and brought her legs up. With a grunt, she jumped to her feet, turned and wrapped the rope around her right wrist. Then she tugged back, putting her weight behind it. A blonde man stumbled forward and Raven leapt at him immediately. Using her quick jabs method, she had him on the floor and immobilized in a second.

Then she was free to struggle with the tight rope around her neck. It wouldn’t budge and she couldn’t hold her breath much longer. Then she remembered that the blondes carried a knife.

With fumbling hands, Raven searched the blonde she’d rendered temporarily immobile and managed to find it. Keeping her hand steady, Raven raised the knife toward the rope at her neck.

“No!” she heard a deep voice shout. 

With a gasp, Raven jerked and felt her hand slip, slicing through the rope and slightly scratching her neck. She dropped the knife, pulled away the rope and grabbed at her aching neck as she gasped in air, panting. The cut was small but it stung like hell. Upside, she could breathe. Down side, the blonde was beginning to function.

The blonde stood in front of her and punched at her face as she glanced up at him. Raven ducked and set her hands on the floor, bringing her feet up from behind. She kicked his face before cartwheeling to her feet.

She heard the heavy footfalls behind her again and knew that Mr. Muscle had won his fight and was going to join hers shortly. But she didn’t want to stick around much longer.

The blonde straightened up and launched a series of kicks at her, nearly too quick for her to block. Raven dodged the last kick and tried to launch her own attack but the blonde blocked and attacked back. Raven brought her arms in and blocked his sidekick to her chest, stumbling back in the process with a grunt. The kick had mega power behind it; her forearms burned like hell.

“You need to—” Raven felt a hand touch her shoulder and quickly jammed her elbow backwards into an upper torso. She heard a familiar grunt as the hand on her shoulder retracted. Then Raven moved forward to the blonde and weaved around his attacks. She grabbed his wrist and flipped him over her shoulder. With a quick sidekick, she made the blonde stumble onto Mr. Muscle.

As those two fought, Raven turned to the park exit and bolted away as fast as she could.

To hell with this stupid shortcut, she thought as she ran out of the park and down the rest of the block.

Finally home, Raven locked her apartment door shut and checked her pockets. She still had her keys but her wallet was now missing. Her I.D...

Cursing, Raven prayed she wouldn’t get any visitors soon. She needed a break after tonight. That was one hell of a way to start my weekend, Raven thought.

Looking back, Raven couldn’t make sense of the man’s words: “I’m going to make you forget everything you saw tonight.” She couldn’t even see his arms coming at her until it was too late. She remembered being up close to him. He smelled good; almost smoky. How the hell does someone get to big? And what was wrong with his leg? He had a limp and although the rest of him was deadly power, that was his only flaw.

Raven grabbed her shoes and untied them quickly, taking them off and throwing them into her closet. Her pressure point technique worked again. But then the feeling deflated as she remembered Mr. Muscle’s fear. She shivered as she thought of losing her own arm.

Raven shook her hair free from the scrunchy and walked to the bathroom. After a quick shower, she stepped out, dried off and walked naked to her bedroom. There, she looked at the pajamas she’d laid earlier in the day. Her usual thin blue tank top and matching pajama bottoms stared up at her. With a sigh, she slipped them on.

Gazing around her apartment, Raven felt as if she was seeing everything in a whole new light. Plain white walls and beige carpeting met her gaze. She had white blinds on the windows and only the front door was green. Even her one loveseat sofa chair with table was beige and white. Her room had a twin-sized bed and green covers but the walls were bare. The bathroom only had curtains for the shower and towels on the walls. Yeah, she needed to remodel the hell out of this place. But money was hard to come by. Her job at the studio, teaching kids and adults the basics to protect themselves, only made so much. She was even a waitress on her spare time.

Raven sighed again as she plopped onto her bed. The events of that night left her thinking of what could have been if… if. That was what had her so pensive. If. What if? What if that dagger had pierced her head? Would Mr. Muscle feel bad? What if she’d fought him? Would she be here now? What if that blonde had dragged her away? Where was he taking her? Why did he smell like baby powder? What if she died tonight? Who would miss her?

Raven frowned. Her little sister, Anise, would have a heart attack.

Raven felt herself smile. Good, little Anise. She was in college out here and Raven had come to visit. Then she decided to stay and get a place here to be close to her sister, should she be needed. But now she found herself needing her sister. Anise was her better half. Where she was easily annoyed and a loose cannon, Anise was calm and even-tempered.

Raven stood up and walked to the mirror in her bathroom. She looked at the small, stinging cut on her neck and noticed it seemed to take on a shade of purple around it, as if infected. Rubbing alcohol made the stinging worse. She could feel it all the way to her collarbone. She needed to get this checked. Who knew where that knife had been?

Placing a bandage on her neck wound and a salve for the scratches on her waist, she also grabbed a cold pack and made sure to position it well.

Raven went back to bed and laid on the pack.

Her neck didn’t let her sleep well that night.

Toxicity

       Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? How do you know if they're toxic? How did you know if you didn't develop any of their traits? How do you know it isn't hereditary or like a tick we can pick up? Is there ever a happy ending?

        I have lived with a toxic person for 20+ years and didn't even know it until recently. I thought she was just being unreasonable or acting out of stress. I was so forgiving that I would feel bad at every fight as if I was always the one at fault. And it would feel like I was the one who always messed up, who always made the fight happen, who could have avoided the fight but was so stupid.

       After I met my boyfriend, I started to get more interested in psychology. I realized why I had a quick temper and high defenses when I would meet someone new or argue with someone else. How I was able to turn the argument around so that whoever I argued with ended up apologizing even if I was at fault. I had always been that way. I could never relax. I saw it as normal.

       My mother raised me that way.

     I recently looked up the traits of a Gaslighting Narcissist and found that they fit her to a 'T'. She was unforgiving, quick to point fingers, blame me, never apologized or said she was ever wrong, would blow little things up, would verbally assault me and everyone around me, made any of my efforts seem insignificant and made me out to be a bad person.

    I know I've stated everything in past tense but it's all very present. She still breathes and I still live with her. LA is expensive and unforgiving.

      Before you all comment something like 'Move out!' 'You have to get out of there!' I should state again that this is LA. I would pay the same rent I'm paying now for a three-bedroom and two bathroom apartment but for a measly little condo with no door between my room and the rest of the apartment. We only got this apartment because of my grandfather's good credit; may he rest in peace.

       There is no escape and no matter how anyone feels about being trapped under quarantine- it's no where NEAR how trapped one feels with a toxic person. You may have issues with your parents and some of you can proclaim proudly that you moved out very young or never went back after college, but I can't do that. I don't have the funds nor do I think I have the will power. She's the last line of family I have here in the US. Everyone else is 8hrs South via plane with no rest stops.

       Consider me old-fashioned, but I believe I want to live by myself with myself before I move in with my significant other for goddess knows how long.

       Having found out how this horrible woman was affecting me, I realized the power of self-worth and shutting down your emotions to think clearly. When the monster can no longer affect you, they move on to any other weakness they can attack. She'd verbally assault my boyfriend but never to his face beyond giving him a dry look. She'd verbally assault all of my friends through the years but again, never to their faces. Only for my reactions and for my anger and pain.

      To top everything off, she's a hoarder. She's got piles of clothes along the walls of the living room and piled around the extra two rooms. She sleeps on the sofa because the beds are unavailable. I think it's a sense of control that she claws onto. If I ask to assist with organizing or tossing things out, she won't let me near it. If I move anything when she's not home, she realizes and gets mad at me. She's had to move things into my closet to make the appearance that there isn't as much as suspected during annual apartment checks.

    After I realized what kind of person she is, I began to set restrictions. She isn't to ask me how much money I have in my accounts, or enter my room if the door is closed, or move things into my closet ever. So far only the entering the room portion is a constant issue. Only until tonight did she ask about the stimulus check and whether I received it. I refused to answer and she and I had a fight where she tried her usual tricks and I did something new: I would only respond with the characteristics of a narcissist.

       When she goes to work tomorrow, I'm going to organize a few things in the kitchen (like toss out old mugs and stupid unused and greasy plastic containers). She said I was being lazy here at home and doing nothing while she goes to work at FedEx, so I'm going to do something that I should have done years ago. For years now, the only power I hold is in my own room (the master bedroom), where I have a big closet and my own bathroom and little need to go out into the rest of the house. As a chef, the kitchen should be my domain as well, especially since she expects dinner after work, yet she has stored garbage within it's cupboards and cabinets that should be organized. Things I need or want to use are lost to piles and piles of unusable trinkets and old cups and grease and cockroach poop.

       I'll give her a single point and stop being lazy. I'm organizing my domain.

        Hell hath no fury like a chef scorned by disorganization. Wish me luck!

        

Hello, fellow prisoners!

        In these scary times, one has to appreciate what one has. A roof over our heads, a comfy bed, a few good pillows, a pet, a working toilet/shower, and doors that lock. There are many people out there who "had their chance" who don't have any or all of these things. So take a deep breath, look around, and say thank you to nothing in particular. Just say it out loud and hopefully, you feel so satisfied for at least a moment... before you turn to your closed windows and doors and suddenly feel your heartbeat race and something internal feels like a caged cat doing circles to try to escape.

        I know four walls can be daunting (especially if you rent a condo in LA) but just keep breathing. The Gen Z is giving Millennials an even worse name by not staying inside. Set an example. Mix yourself some drinks, learn a few recipes you can show off later, or workout so that after we all come out of hiding- you'll look better than everyone around.

         However pretentious that sounds, it's a real self-esteem booster to be told you look great.

    We've been conditioned since childhood to get compliments. I've painted this (horrible circled sun with sunglasses over a green grass plane with the same two square, triangle rooftop house you've seen over and over again) for you, Mommy. Is it good? Oh, I'm glad you like it!

      There are other great reasons to stay inside... and it's pretty outrageous but try to stay with me. Stay inside so that you either don't catch the virus and possibly rack up those medical bills OR catch it, show no symptoms, and give it to your parents or grandparents or aunts and uncles or young nieces and nephews. Who then will pass it on again.

         

      Basically, STAY INSIDE to STAY ALIVE.

         Catchy slogan? I think so too.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! Sorta

   As a hidden Latina, I wish everyone a belated Happy Hallow's Eve and Days of the Dead, I lit a candle for my loved ones but couldn't dress up or attend any festivals in honor of these dark holidays. I wish I could have. There's nothing that warms my insides more than the macabre and hugs from my significant other. He doesn't read these but he reads my novels when I ask for opinions.
     He also understands my growing need to celebrate the dead and accept a future that befalls us all.  There's a song named "Let's Just Live" as part of the RWBY series soundtrack that fits this perfectly. Celebrate every day and just live one at a time.
     At this point in time, there is panic surrounding us. Everyone is worried about the Corona Virus or CoVid-19. I understand if you don't want to catch it and give it to a loved one who is in danger of being killed by the virus (kids and the elderly) but the CDC told us exactly what to do: WASH YOUR NASTY HANDS.
     When did they say to buy up the toilet paper or all the water. Just get what's necessary, you hoarders.
     You are over complicating a very simple direction. Just buy soap and wash your hands. With schools and work places being shut down because of the virus, I understand that it's sorta scary. But now those kids are in your house and you need to set an example. Are you setting up a good one? They have internet too and can find the posts making fun of people hoarding toilet paper. What if they turn around and see those packs and realize the world is making fun of people like you? They'd be embarrassed.
     Just wear gloves when outside or carry a handkerchief so you don't touch door handles, hand rails, or other people. Sanitize new packages in your house by wiping them down. No need to get so panicky.
      Just think about how much of the things you buy, you'll actually use. Don't pollute the planet any more than necessary!
     

And now...

I'm laughing loudly... ironically...

If only for the fact that I have NOT kept up with this blog since April and now that it's late September, SO MUCH has happened.

I've been majorly busy with work, in that, I hated my job.

Got fired due to truancy in August and now I'm basically unemployed and searching with a $-300 in my bank account for rent LAST month and slowly, everything is closing because I basically was the one to pay for EVERYTHING. Netflix, down. Cell Phone service, about to terminate in 24hrs. Car insurance, a month unpaid. Gas tank, low as hell. Unemployment decided not to help out. I did find work but it's less than part time. Stress levels are through the roof and my quotas on asking friends and my boyfriend for help are at their peak. I refuse to beg. Damn pride.

So far, fridge is also low but I can look at a few bright lights:

• Boyfriend provided rice and beans to eat
• a few veggies too
• this included paste
• was able to make a few chicken legs for dinner tonight-will add rice and beans soon with a butter sauce cuz I like my rice saucy
• Internet still up (for now) so I have Youtube to entertain myself.
• Shelves of books for when the internet burns up.
• I'm breathing (if hyperventilating)
• I have an apartment (for now)
• I have a bath (will take one soon)
• My babies have food (2 cats)
• I entered my first writing contest!

That last one still hasn't reached out to tell me if won or lost so fingers crossed!

Anyway, that's all I have to vent about today. Hopefully there'll be better news soon. Check back in tomorrow!