Resurfacing

   It has been 5 years since my last blog post and I apologize to whomever has seen my blog and myself for not having resurfaced sooner.

  My grandfather, for those that remember, has passed away on Jan of 2014. This year, Thanksgiving lands on his birthday and I feel that it is time to celebrate his life as well as my memories of him. It's been hard to deal with his departure due to losing someone who's been a part of my entire life thus far. My mind recently has moved into a dark, fearful and anxious place and my own writing has taken a toll. If I could find a piece of solace by writing out a bit of my thoughts here, I am hopeful that others who may need help find it here.

    My mind isn't like others. She wants challenges and answers. She doesn't shy away from scary thoughts... thus, the problem. There are no answers for recent thoughts! There is no one who can tell me the facts without religion or speculation. There is no science here. It is merely an experience we all must take at some point and hopefully, we aren't afraid when we do. The generations following us cannot take from our wisdom of the experience because we can no longer share it! Any psychic or medium worth their salt will tell you the same because we are not to know. They may be able to aid, talk and see spirits but they are not to know what crossing over will be like. If they say they do, they're filthy liars.

     These are facts that I'm coming to terms with but it is the hardest struggle yet. I cannot accept the truth of how time marches on and the cruelty of having conscious thought of it! Yet I know I must. I hate the pain I went through watching my grandfather wither and pass and the thought of putting someone I brought into the world through that is torture (I'm not pregnant yet). I hope to one day have kids but these thoughts are making want to spare them that later.

       How's that for a resurfacing post?

       I hope to write more on the lighter side of things while also dealing with this new anxiety.

      I also hope to find other souls who will walk this journey with me because I know I'm not alone in my thoughts.

       Let's try to not be afraid together.